Years ago, I used to feel slightly irked when people told me what a “gift” I had.
When told about my gift it felt like thousands of hours of work, spent honing my skills, were being dismissed, replaced in people’s mind by a magic and effortless delivery of which I was the lucky beneficiary.
But I got used to the comment and did not mind it any more after a while.
I was not aware yet of the true nature of the Gift I was being given…
Awareness comes in layers for me, uncovering evidence slowly, gradually, like zooming back with sharper focus and taking more and more in, getting to understand a wider and more intricate web of connections between all the parts of my life and seeing the perfection of it all. Every insight a Aha moment… Maybe you can relate to that?
It all started by watching. I have always been a watcher.
As a sick child, home bound, I observed everything acutely and loved spending time at my neighbor’s house, cuddling with his mutt and watching him paint colorful canvasses. I drew with pencils and loved it. I guess I got the bug right there and then… who knows?
Fast forward many years, numerous exhibitions later and a bold move to the US.
I painted a full lot, following my inclination without other intention than giving it my best and as I got to witness people’s reactions to my work, I heard their great sighs of appreciation, read their body language, and realized the stress relieving, uplifting qualities of my paintings. They affected people’s mood in a positive way!
From then on, I chose to use my skills to infuse each piece with the most positive charge I can fathom.
In 2008, as I dealt with a serious health issue in alternative ways, I could see how much being “squeaky clean” intensified my work’s qualities. As much as my life fed my work, my work came to shape my life; it became clear that to be able to create meditative, relaxing, healing paintings, I was best to keep my mind and my body as vibrant and clean as I could… that was a gift in itself.
I became very selective in everything I let in: organic food, no alcohol, no drugs, no TV… my vibratory state of being is my compass in all things.
It is all at once a demanding and liberating way to live, and a few years brought more growth in me than the many ones before.
Today it dawned on me that, while I painted with the desire to bring relief and bliss to the world, my work has been pivotal in cultivating my own inner peace, my own deep seated joy, my own well being. I was being given a portal, a two-way energetic channel.
Today I can feel connected to the rest of the universe in a very essential way, I can keep my balance and my willingness to go for integration rather than separation, I feel at peace in the midst of troublesome social antagonisms, I live every day with joy bubbling up at the beauty of all of Life and I realize that yes: I indeed have a Gift.
It is not in the execution of each painting: that’s expertise; no, the Gift is in the way I am graced with what I intend, coming back manifold, keeping me in a powerful stream of ecstatic beingness.
Because of my it I live an extraordinary life, at more levels than I can tell, so now, if someone says: “You have such a gift!” I just smile and agree.