Everyone of us has been a child. As a child, we assimilated, integrated, coped with, got used to, and learned how to deal with whatever structure and beliefs were the norm at the time. We did integrate mind patterns, behaviors, beliefs, habits that were around us, but not always the best for us. We can see that the child in us, the child we were, just absorbed those beliefs and the pain they caused at times, and did the best she could to cope and live with it.
As a result of that early impregnation of our psyche, we adopted beliefs about ourselves.
About our worth, our rights, our beauty, our intelligence, our place in the world, and much more.
To become aware of what these beliefs can be, we need to observe what are our most frequent “knee jerk reactions” to anything triggering us emotionally. The way we react before thinking.
The way we judge ourselves, the way we treat ourselves, the way we interact with others.
Our “natural reactions” to highly triggering situations are governed by our deepest beliefs, not our conscious adult mind.
The child I was is still inside of me today.
She’s probably still holding the beliefs true, and the pain is still being felt.
Opening our heart to that child, and her pain, her loss, her fears, her needs, will be the most powerful way we can dissolve the patterns in our adult life. We need to be willing and welcome that child, and make her feel finally safe, and seen, and loved, as we would do with a child we would rescue today in the world.
No matter what comes up, and how horrendous, or sad, or insignificant or annoying, or trivial we may judge it today, we need to remember that as a child we had no notion of what was wrong, and we could only make do with what we had.
Whatever pain she felt, if not acknowledged and provided for consciously, is still in need of care today. Our most unconscious behaviors revolve around that fact.
It is a sacred work to turn toward our child self, and be able to feel her pain, to see that she did the best she could, and to hold her, console her, soothe her, and ask her what she needs. By doing this work we create an entirely new paradigm to live from, and we dissolve all the behaviors that came from the initial pain, or need that were left unattended…
Can you see that all that child has ever needed was to be loved exactly as she was?
And by loved, I mean treated lovingly. Accepted. Recognized. Protected. Respected. Talked to in kindness. Provided for.
No matter was missing at the time is what YOU can provide NOW.
Our power to heal our life resides in our willingness to meet her exactly where she is, and honor her needs.
A crucial part of this might even be to forgive ourselves, to forgive that child, instead of holding her wrong for anything.
It is amazing how much we hold ourselves responsible for whatever ailed us!
And yet, we were a child. And we did absolutely the best we could.
When we become who we needed as a child, we can at last give her what she still needs.
That is the path to deep healing.
At that point the unwanted patterns fall away without struggle.
True freedom is no more out of reach, and we can move freely forward.
There is nothing more valuable in my mind than this kind of freedom.
It empowers us in all aspects of our lives, from being comfortable alone to building a relationship with a spouse, from our work place to our friendships, and also from a feeling of wariness or anger or estrangeness to a feeling of belonging.
To your inner child! May you give her unconditional love for ever more.