As an artist, a human being and a woman, I have more or less reluctance to choose a category or a virtual box to fit who I am, what I do and how it’s called…
Of course, for practical purposes, I understand the need to use imprecise but indicative categorization, but then, why should we be limited to only such ?
As a woman, should I be classified as a housewife, a spinster, a widow, a lesbian or a mother ?
As an artist, would I agree to be listed in the group of landscape painters, abstract, surreal or illustrator ? Am I a watercolorist or an multi-media user ? Is my work inspirational, expressionist, luminist, classic or totally modern ?
As a human being would you put me in the range of Caucasian, mixed blood, or would you define me as a female ? Am I a small person, an average citizen, a vertically challenged patient, a middle class, a workaholic ?
Yes. And no.
In my opinion, according to time, circumstances, location and good fortune, I happen to be a lot of all of these and a lot more, or none of it… And above all, I want to be perceived as a sentient being, an incarnated spirit, a complex organism and a free minded individual!
So, when I have to grossly define myself through cookie cutter categories to be able to apply or to submit to any kind of workshop, school, group research or whatever requires me to check pre-made limiting definition of who I am, what I do and what my beliefs are… I cringe.
Because every time, the choices are too few, the words don’t fit, the options don’t include what I’d say, and in the process of choosing what is the least inaccurate, I end up delivering a shrunk version of someone who might be my age and my height, but is at best a pale and blurred reflection of who I am and at worst a totally confusing bunch of contradictory statements that could land me on medication !
The hell with one and only case to check and my life purpose in five words of less than 15 letters ! Out and done with my being liberal, conservative or otherwise atheist. No signing up as a single, high school graduate, vegetarian democrat.
Enough already ! I claim to be variable, complex, clear minded though at time hesitant, strong and vulnerable, single but committed to my relationships, anarchist, pacifist, figurative image maker with spells of abstractionism, yang and female, childless universal mother, life time student with few credentials, incapable to belong in any group but believing in the strength of numbers… you get my drift.
I am a multi-faceted being, always reinventing myself, creating my story along and varying in my orientations and choices meanwhile being thoroughly engaged for the last 30 years in what I believe is essential for the sake of my planet or my own soul.
Paradox is my middle name.
I defend my right to be evolving, mutable and reliable at the same time.
I want refinement and simplicity, abundance and spare essentials, freedom and commitment, my endurance and my resilience permit me to work insanely for weeks but if you meet me in between projects you’ll see the laziest procrastinator… I can hate your guts and have compassion for you in the same split second. I can fall in love at first sight and fall out of love at second thought. Religions in general make me run for cover but I swear on God there is Spirit in me !
I assure you that you won’t know me even if I fill up thousands of surveys, reviews and tests. And I hope you claim the same right to unlimited possibilities and the thrill to live on the edge of yourself, on the brim of definition, on the cloud of evasiveness…
As far as I am concerned, I make it an art form and I pledge to be able to surprise myself until the day I die.