The swirl (relax it’s just a thought storm!)

The Swirl (Relax, it’s only a thought storm!)
Sometimes I get all in my head.
You know what I mean. I dive into thought.
All kinds of elaborated variations around whatever fear or doubt is going on.
About anything.
I know better. 
I learned that I should not believe all my thoughts. 
They come and go.
They don’t reflect reality; most of the time they even distort it badly.
But here we are.
Something is the matter and Bam! my thinking gets out of hand.
The swirl.
What if? What… if…? How? When? Why?
It goes around, bouncing back and forth between the walls of my momentarily reduced consciousness and I can feel it in my body, that gut tightness, that anguish, that always comes with feral thinking.
Feral. Uncivilized. Untamed. Gone wild.
Swirling around, presenting me with all kinds of dramatic outcomes, all kinds of doubts, all kinds of insecurities.
What’s wrong with me?
Nothing. I’m just human.
Humans happen to do this. Our mind does.
Fortunately in the midst of all that unraveling, disheveled thinking, there is a glimmer of sanity: I do know better.
I practiced for many years.
I remember this is only my thoughts, gone amok for a bit.
I can just label it: ” thought incontinence”, “mind stuff”, “momentary madness”. Whatever.
It’s not me
It’s not real.
I don’t need to let it unsetle me.
AAhhh…Big breath.
What do I know?
I know that when I get “confused” it’s just that I perfectly know what to do but i don’t like it.
I know that when I’m afraid, I’m just projecting drama onto a perfectly unknown future.
I know that my mind gets triggered.
I know that it will pass.
 I can relax.
There. It’s gone.
Chances are it will happen again. When I have to make meaningful choices.
When I risk something new. When I take a chance.
When I dare stepping out, standing up, diving in, or just trying on….
It’s OK.
Human stuff.
I love that there is a part of me that is able to observe and smile at the whole process.
I love that there is at the core of me, the knowledge that’s only a thought storm.
I love that I can let go.
All is well.

Love and Light

Emmeline

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